I Tried
by rutgers
Summary: Maura did everything she could ... will her friendship with Jane survive? **Finale SPOILER** Final chapter is up! Please read and review! Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Hope you guys like it - please read and review.

_**"Please don't let him die, Maura. Please."**_

Doctor Maura Isles would never forget the desperation in those words. Desperation she had never heard before in the voice of her best friend and colleague, Detective Jane Rizzoli - not even when her own life was in danger at the hands of Charles Hoyt - desperation she had never seen in the eyes of another human being.

_**"You're the only one that can save him."**_

Maura closed her eyes and a shudder went through her body as she tried to pin the broach onto her black jacket. She hadn't noticed it, but one look in the mirror showed just how hard her hands were shaking. Nervousness - something of which she never exhibited any signs - had suddenly overtaken her. She tried to steady herself with a long, deep breath which she slowly exhaled.

Failure. It was something Maura Isles was very unfamiliar with and hadn't known until Jane's brother, Frankie, died on the operating table in the hospital. Her efforts to save him had been futile. Sure, they'd been able to transport him to the hospital, but by then, it had been too long and the measures Maura took on the autopsy table sustained him just long enough for the hospital staff to get him to surgery. If only they could have gotten him there sooner.

Maura felt the tears coming again and she went to quickly dab them away. She needed to be strong today. Frankie's viewing was today, having been pushed back a few days from the normal timeframe to allow his sister time to heal from her self-inflicted gunshot wound which had stopped a cold-blooded cop killer. The shot went through the fleshy part of her side and came out of the back of Bobby Marino, the dirty cop holding her hostage.

Luckily, the bullet has missed any major organs in Jane's body, but she ended up staying in the hospital for a week before being released on Sunday, two days ago. Maura thought back to when Jane finally came to in the hospital.

_"Maura," Jane croaked, her eyes trying desperately to focus. All the drugs they had given her were still having their effect but Maura could see the question in her eyes. "Frankie?"_

_She took the felled detective's hand in her own and let out a barely audible sigh, the lump forming in her throat greatly affecting her ability to speak. "Jane, I'm so sorry."_

_Although Jane was in a weakened state, Maura felt her squeeze her hand in an almost vice-like grip. "No, Maura, please. No. NO! NO! NO!" Jane screamed, thrashing about trying to remove tubes and wires. _

_Maura moved to hold her, trying to just get her to calm down and stop her from hurting herself. She was unable to do it on her own and had to verbally flag a nurse and orderly and it killed her to watch as they restrained Jane's arms with padded cuffs. _

_"Jane, Honey, this is for your own good, so you don't hurt yourself," Maura said, gently stroking her hair. _

_"I DON'T CARE IF I HURT MYSELF! GET ME OUT OF THESE THINGS! I WANT FRANKIE, MAURA ... I JUST WANT FRANKIE! HE CAN'T BE DEAD! HE'S NOT, MAURA, HE'S NOT. PLEASE..PLEASE!" _

_Jane's tears then came down in a torrent and Maura leaned down to hold her as best she could. From behind her, she heard unbridled sobbing and turned quickly to see Jane's parents, Frank and Angela Rizzoli, in the doorway. _

_"Janie. Oh God, Janie," her mother said, rushing over to take Jane in her arms. Maura slowly backed away. _

_"Why is she being restrained?" Frank asked, moving to take the padded cuffs off of his daughter's arms. _

_"Mr. Rizzoli, she was trying to pull out her tubes and wires. This is a precaution so she doesn't hurt herself," Maura said, softly. _

_Frank lowered his head and then nodded at Maura to let her know he understood. _

_"I'm so sorry about Frankie," Maura said, gently touching Angela's shoulder. "I did everything I could possibly do until they could get him here."_

_Angela didn't move from Jane, but she reached one hand back to place it over Maura's hand, currently resting on her shoulder. "I know you did, Doctor Isles. Thank you. And thank you for being here with Jane."_

_Jane was still hysterically shaking and sobbing in her mother's arms and Maura felt as if she were intruding on this very personal family moment. "Mr. Rizzoli, if you need anything at all, please, please call me. I will come back up tomorrow to see Jane."_

_"Thank you, Doctor Isles."_

_"Please, it's Maura," she said, cautiously approaching Jane's bedside. She moved to the side of Angela and gently placed a kiss on top of Jane's head. Not knowing what else to say, she slowly backed away and left the room, turning once more in the doorway to look - and what she saw, a family broken by tragedy - shattered her heart. _

Maura looked at the clock and realized the viewing was to start in an hour. She was nervous. Saturday, her last day at the hospital visiting Jane hadn't gone well. Truth be told, from the minute Maura had uttered the words `I'm so sorry' nothing regarding Jane had gone well. Maura went up to visit daily and barely received an acknowledgement from Jane. Vince Korsak and Barry Frost always warmly greeted her but Jane, who she had just heard talking to Korsak and Frost before she walked into the room, would suddenly turn inward. Saturday, however, it had all come to a head.

_"Bye, Janie," Maura could hear Korsak saying to Jane as she spotted him leaning over her beside to kiss her forehead. _

_"Thanks for coming, Vince. I'm being released tomorrow and the viewing and funeral are Tuesday and Wednesday, " Jane said. Maura could hear how morose her tone was and it absolutely broke her heart. _

_Maura waited outside the doorway, out of Jane's sight. Korsak turned out of the door and almost ran into her. _

_"Hey Doc," he said, hugging her. She wasn't used to the show of affection from Vince and Barry, but since this whole thing had happened, every time they'd seen one another, a hug was involved. She returned his embrace. _

_"How is she today, Vince?"_

_He motioned with his head to step further away from the door of Jane's room. "I think she's doing better. I think she's coming to terms with what's happened but I'm not completely sure it's totally sunk in yet. Although Janie pretends they drive her crazy, her family is everything to her. She is understandably heartbroken and of course feels responsible for Frankie's death. As you can understand Doc, she's not in a good place right now. So anything she may say, you need to know where it's coming from."_

_"Why does it sound like you are preparing me for something?"_

_He sighed, rubbing his neck. _

_"Because, I am. If you walk in there today, Doc, you'll be walking into a landmine."_

_"What do you mean?" Maura asked, confused. _

_Korsak sighed again and looked up at the ceiling. She could tell he was weighing whether or not to say what he had to say. "Doc, maybe you should just give her some time."_

_Maura's patience was quickly waning. "Out with it, Korsak."_

_He rested his hand lightly on her upper arm. "She's blaming you for Frankie dying," he said softly. _

_Thankfully, there were chairs right where they were standing in the hallway because Maura's legs began to fail her and Korsak had to act quick to make sure she made it to one of the chairs. _

_"You know it's not rational, Doc, and deep down she knows you aren't responsible for what happened - that you did the best you could," Korsak said, taking the seat next to her and gently holding her hand. _

_Maura was unable to speak. But everything made sense now - the lack of acknowledgement, the way Jane would barely look at her when she entered her room, the fact that she hadn't spoken to her since she had screamed at her Monday, the day she came to - it all made sense. _

_"But, I, I, I did everything I could, Vince. I can't - " she started but then her emotions took over. The tears started falling and before she knew it, Korsak had her wrapped in his arms in a gentle hug. _

_"I know you did, Maura. Jane knows it too. You have to remember that it's just where she is right now."_

_She shook her head, agreeing with him. She pulled a tissue from her purse to try to pull herself together. _

_"I'm going in there, Vince. Thank you for the up heads on this," she said, standing up. _

_Korsak managed a small smile. "That's heads up, Doc." She smiled warmly, touched his hand and headed into Jane's room, stopping right at the door and taking a deep breath to steel herself. _

_"Jane, how are you feeling today?" Maura asked, taking the seat right by Jane's bed. She placed her hand on Jane's shoulder and felt the brunette stiffen and tense under her touch. She quickly removed her hand. _

_Jane flashed a quick glance at Maura before giving a cursory reply. "Better."_

_After sitting in silence for over ten minutes while Jane flipped the television channels, Maura finally spoke. _

_"Is there anything you'd like to say to me?"_

_"No."_

_"Jane...?"_

_"What? I said no."_

_"You're lying."_

_She could see Jane weighing whether or not to say it. "You know what, Isles, yes. Yes, I have something to say. I'd like you to get the fuck out of my room. Right now," she said, biting out each word. _

_Maura was stunned speechless. "Jane, I, I, but why?" She meant for the words to come out with more authority but they ended up coming out sounding like a huddled, scared child spoke them. _

_"I needed you to do ONE thing for me. One FUCKING thing ... SAVE MY BROTHER. And you didn't."_

_"Jane, I couldn't. I tried, I tried everything I could with what I had available," Maura said, trying to reason with her. _

_She watched Jane consider this for a moment. _

_"Just get out of here. Okay? Just leave. I don't want you here."_

_Maura felt as if she had been stabbed in the heart, but, as per Jane's request, she silently got up and walked out, not giving Jane Rizzoli the satisfaction of seeing her tears stream down her face. _

The blaring of the car horns pulled Maura back from her thoughts and she turned into the funeral home parking lot. One more deep breath and she decided she was as ready as she was ever going to be to walk in and face Jane - and the cold, hard truth that Frankie was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

I Tried - Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you for the reviews - they keep me going! Please read and continue to review! Hope you guys like it!

Jane, Frank and Angela arrived at the funeral parlor about an hour before the viewing officially started so they could have some private time.

"I'd like to have a few minutes alone in there, Pop," Jane said, releasing his hand.

"Okay, Sweetie," Frank said, pulling her close to kiss her forehead.

She wrapped her arms around him and then slowly turned to head into the room, closing the door behind her. She froze for a moment, taking in the scene around her, the pain in her side a reminder to walk slowly. As if she was in a huge hurry to get down the aisle to the casket. Her right hand pressed to her side, she began the walk she'd always hoped to God she'd never have to make.

Frank watched her sadly but quickly turned his attention to his wife, who after having taken one of the prayer cards located by the guest book podium, had started to crumble. He caught her and held her against him tightly, the tears he had been holding back now silently falling down his cheeks.

...

The usually unflappable Detective Jane Rizzoli stared down into the casket of her brother, Francis Albert Rizzoli, Jr. Her baby brother. Frankie. He looked so handsome dressed in his formal police uniform. She knelt down to the side of the casket, both to pay her respects and to stop herself from falling, having felt her legs immediately weaken. She stroked the side of his face ever so gently.

Her tears were falling freely. Her right hand reached out to touch the badge that adorned his left side. Her head was swimming with an onslaught of memories that came flooding from her brain. Frankie following her around when she was seven years old. He was three. He wanted to do everything she did and when at 18 years old, Jane announced she wanted to become a police officer, Frankie, even at the young age of 14, wanted to do that too.

"Damnit, Frankie, why? Why did you have to follow me? If you hadn't ... if you hadn't you'd still be here. You'd still be alive," she croaked out through her tears.

In the midst of a full on breakdown, she lowered her head to his and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Frankie and I always will. And I promise you, I will be the best police officer I can to honor you. I miss you so much already, Frankie. Please keep a look out from where you are. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I could always rescue you, Frankie and I'm so sorry I couldn't this time. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

She kept her head lowered to his for a few more minutes before planting another kiss on his forehead. She steadied herself and looked around at all of the floral arrangements. The police department had sent the floral arrangement of a badge with Frankie's number written in white flowers. The heart-shaped arrangement with "Beloved Brother" on the ribbon caught her eye. Right next to the easel stand where her flowers were, there sat a beautifully-arranged assortment. She read the card.

`I'm so sorry. Maura Isles.'

Just the sight of her name made Jane's stomach churn more so than it already was. She knew Maura had done every single thing she could do and yet, Jane could not bring herself to talk to her, look at her, acknowledge her - nothing. She felt so much anger and bitterness toward Maura, deserved or not. Jane felt she was always there for Maura, helping her through all of her issues and she needed her to do one thing - one fucking thing - and she couldn't deliver. Maura could deliver anything almost on cue and Jane never asked for anything and the one time Jane needed something, Maura had let her down in the worst possible way. There was no getting over that and in her heart, she knew whatever friendship or relationship they had was most likely over and done.

She turned away from the flowers and headed back toward the doors, to let her parents come in so they could have a few moments with Frankie before the masses arrived.

"Ma, Pop. Why don't you come in?" Jane said, opening the doors.

She saw her father comforting her mother and her tears started again. She approached both of them, putting her arms around them and holding them close. She helped her mother stand up and held her one arm, while Frank held her other and together, as a family, they walked to the casket of their fallen son and brother.

...

Maura got out of her car and saw Korsak and Frost were already present. She was at the back of the line to pay respects and she saw Jane talking to both of them as they made their way down the line of her family after having knelt down to Frankie's coffin. She couldn't help but notice Jane looked so broken. She was wearing her typical tailored black pantsuit, her dark locks their typical unruly mess. But her body language spoke volumes as to just how untypical things were today. Her shoulders were hunched and though Jane never wore a lot of makeup, the bags under her eyes which she was trying to conceal stood out starkly against her paler than normal skin.

"Oh, Jane," Maura whispered to herself.

She watched Korsak and Frost hug her and they headed to the back to take a seat. Korsak spotted her and he and Frost came over to her in line.

"Hi, Doc," Korsak said as he hugged her. Frost was next.

"How is she?" Maura asked, her concern for Jane being worn on her sleeve.

Korsak looked down and shook his head.

"She's not okay, Maura. I don't know if she ever will be okay again."

Maura sighed and placed her hand on Korsak's arm. The line began to move and the two detectives took a seat in the back.

"I'll join you two once I've paid my respects," Maura said.

"Sure, Doc. We'll save you a seat," Frost said.

Jane looked around and spotted Maura in the line of mourners. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds. She sighed and closed her eyes, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose to try to stave off the ache that was quickly forming in the dead center of her forehead. Christ - this was the last thing she wanted to deal with. She knew Maura would come, but still, she didn't want to have to deal with her. She hatched a plan.

Once Maura was four mourners away from the casket, Jane leaned over to her father.

"Pop, I need to use the ladies room. I'll be right back," she said.

"Okay, Janie," he said, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

Maura saw Jane get up after their quick exchange of glances. Her heart broke inside her chest. Jane was not going to let her be there for her in her time of need. From what she could tell, Jane may never want to even see her again, let alone confide to her any more of her thoughts and feelings.

Maura finally got up to the casket and knelt down, looking at Frankie. Looking at him, she could see the strong resemblance to Jane. She placed her hand on his folded white-gloved hand.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, Frankie. Please know that I tried harder than I've ever tried anything before. I'm just so sorry," she said, tears overtaking her.

Jane came back in the room in time to see Maura kneeling by Frankie's casket, her head and shoulders hunched over and shaking. She swallowed the lump in her throat and made her way back to her seat by her family. As much as she was dreading this moment, she knew she'd have to deal face to face with Maura Isles.


	3. Chapter 3

I Tried - Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Hope you guys like it - please read and review.

Korsak took one look at Jane's face and knew that she didn't want to have to go back up to the front and face Maura. His need to protect her overwhelmed him and he stood up, taking her hand as she walked past. Frost narrowed his eyes at the gesture, confused.

"Are you ready to face her?" Vince whispered, scanning Jane's eyes.

"Truthfully, Korsak - no. I probably never will be ready again. But I need to go back up there, for my family. For Frankie," she said, patting his hand and quickly kissing his cheek.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Frost whispered. "Don't you want them to finally be face to face?"

"Not at this point, Frost. Jane isn't ready and she may only make things worse with Doc. I mean, I'm sure Saturday didn't go very well when Maura went in to visit Jane. I know for a fact things didn't go well."

"I guess you have a point," Frost said, loosening his tie just a bit.

Korsak watched nervously as Maura finally got up from the casket and waited behind two other mourners to talk to the family. Jane was back to her chair by the time Maura reached Frank.

"Dr. Isles, thank you for coming. And again, for all that you did for both Frankie and Janie," Jane's father said as he warmly hugged her and kissed her cheek.

Maura offered him a sad smile and nodded. "He was like a brother to me, Mr. Rizzoli. Mrs. Rizzoli, I'm so sorry," she said, moving over to hug Angela.

Angela, too emotional to speak, wrapped her arms around Maura and held her tightly.

Next, she moved before Jane. Maura decided while waiting in line to pay her respects to Frankie that she wouldn't even try to embrace her. It was clear she didn't want any part of her, she only hoped that the bitterness would dissipate. Their eyes met and Maura was surprised to see Jane reach out and hug her in a solely obligatory manner. Maura hesitantly moved her arms from her sides to return Jane's embrace, but by the time she just gently touched her back, Jane pulled away. It was the quickest hug she ever received from Jane Rizzoli - as well as the coldest.

Maura was about to step away when she turned back on her heel. Sensing she was about to say something, Jane glanced at her quickly. She opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it and walked away. She took a seat besides Korsak and Frost.

"You ok, Doc?" Frost asked, putting a gentle hand on her back.

Maura pulled out a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. "I'm okay. I just, I just feel so badly for them. I don't know what else I can do. I want to be there so badly for her and to be honest, it really just hurts me so deeply that she doesn't want me there. But if this is how she wants it to be, I'm going to respect that."

She saw Jane going into another crying jag and sit down in her chair. There was a steady stream of mourners coming through but Maura couldn't sit idly by and watch. She walked, determinedly, to just behind Jane's chair. She handed her a tissue box, put her hand on her shoulder and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "You can push me away all you want, Jane. But I'll still be here. When you want or need me, I _will_ be here."

Jane, in an emotionally weakened state, reached up and gently touched Maura's hand on her shoulder - without looking at her. Almost as fast as her fingers grazed the top of Maura's hand, Jane pulled them back.

Maura exhaled the breath she'd been holding in, thankful that Jane didn't yell at her. She was encouraged by the fact Jane reciprocated her touch, even if it was slight and she had pulled her hand back as if she had been scalded once her fingers connected with Maura's skin. She strode back to where Frost and Korsak were sitting.

"Gentlemen, I'm going to leave. I will be here for the funeral tomorrow morning," she said.

"Okay, Maura. Would you like us to pick you up tomorrow?" Korsak asked.

"No, that's okay. Thank you though. If you think Jane needs me - " she started to say, but then realized she probably would not. Even if she did, there was no way Jane would admit it anyway.

"We'll call you," Korsak supplied, gently touching her hand.

She nodded and headed out the door to her car. As she sat behind the wheel, she thought about Jane once again and how broken she appeared, and she couldn't stop the tears.

...

The doors to the viewing room closed to signal the end of the first scheduled visitation. The family had a two-hour break in between before the evening services were to begin.

"Come on, honey, we're going to grab a little something to eat," Frank said, offering Jane his hand.

"Pop, I'm not hungry. I'd really rather just sit here," Jane said.

"Honey, that's not good for you. You should try to eat something - you need to keep up your strength."

"Pop. I'm a grown woman, okay? Please."

He sighed. His stubborn Janie would win out - she always did.

"Okay. Can I bring you something back at least?"

"POP!"

"Okay, okay," Frank said, putting his hands up in resignation and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Jane was once again all alone with her brother.

She thought back to Maura. She didn't want to hug her, but she hadn't wanted to make a scene either as today was not the time and this was not the place. Her own actions confused her when she went to touch Maura's hand when she felt it on her shoulder during one of her many crying jags during the day. She threw her head back to try to clear her mind for a moment.

A few minutes later, she felt a presence besides her.


	4. Chapter 4

I Tried - Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you all for the reviews - I really appreciate them and they keep me going. Hope you guys like it - please continue to read and review.

****Author's Note: This one is short but the next update will be longer, I promise!****

Jane turned to see Frankie standing there in uniform, his hat under his left arm.

_"Frankie?" she murmured, staring at him in disbelief. _

_"Yeah, Janie, it's me. Hey, I'm okay, ya know. I wanted you to know that."_

_"But, but," she stammered, not able to put together a coherent thought or sentence._

_He sat down next to her. _

_"I don't blame you at all, Jane. There is no blame to be had, except by the guy who pulled the trigger. You know that. If anyone should be pissed off here, Janie, it's me - what were you thinking shooting yourself to get to Marino?"_

_She swallowed hard. _

_"I just wanted to get you help. I was pleading for Marino to just give up, but he wouldn't and he said you were probably already dead and I .. oh, God, I lost it Frankie. And you are dead. You're dead. And I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I tried, believe me, I tried," she said, her eyes filling up so fast with tears she could barely see. _

_"I know you did, Jane. You're the best sister anyone could ever hope to have. Just remember, you tried your hardest and did everything you could. I won't ever forget that. I'll watch out for you, Janie. I love you. Tell Ma and Pop I love them too."_

_"I love you, too, Frankie. Please, don't go. Can't you stay, Frankie? Please? Please don't go. I love you, Frankie, I love you, please. PLEASE!" Jane said, reaching out to Frankie as he disappeared from her sight. _

Frank Rizzoli watched his daughter sleep in the chair he'd left her in an hour and a half ago. He'd come in with a cup of coffee for her and heard her talking in her sleep. It broke his heart to figure out she was dreaming of her brother. He didn't want to wake her just yet, he knew she probably needed the rest so he slipped out the door.

Jane woke with a start and looked around, expecting to see Frankie standing there. But her eyes fell on the open casket which held her brother's body.

"Jesus, Jane, it was a dream," she said to herself, rubbing her eyes to clear the cobwebs away. But the last time she'd had a dream that vivid, besides her nightmares about Hoyt, was when the kid killed by the monkshood showed up in her apartment with the purple plant. She knew that was more than a dream because it led to the kid's stepmother as the killer - but this, well, she wasn't sure what the hell this was.

...


	5. Chapter 5

I Tried - Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you all for the reviews - I really appreciate them and they keep me going. Hope you guys like it - please continue to read and review.

Maura woke from a very restless slumber. The last time she'd gotten any sort of decent sleep was the night before she was called to that scene of the police shooting at the warehouse, the night before all hell had broken loose and her world had come unglued.

But as sorry as she felt for herself, her pity for Jane was multiplied exponentially. Jane. The only way Maura could describe how Jane looked after seeing her the day before at Frankie's viewing was with one word - shattered. Her best friend in this world was shattered into a million pieces and she just hoped to God she'd be able to help put her back together, eventually.

She shook off her thoughts and looked at the clock, which read a very rude four-thirty a.m. She knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so she got up, started some coffee and headed into the bathroom for a shower. The services today began at the funeral home at ten a.m., followed by a mass at the family's church down the street at ten thirty and culminating with a police funeral at the cemetery.

`Well,' she thought wryly as she stood under the hot shower water, still hating the fact she couldn't get any more sleep, `at least I won't be late.'

...

Jane stared up at the pink canopy of the bed in her room. She hadn't gotten any sleep under the stupid canopy - it made her feel closed in and trapped. Her parents had insisted she stay with them since she was released from the hospital and they had to go through this all together as a family. She didn't argue with them because she knew they needed her and wanted her close, especially given what she had physically gone through. She knew for certain, however, that she would be returning to her apartment this evening after the post-funeral luncheon.

Her eye caught a glimpse of the clock, five a.m.

"Screw it, I may as well just get up - God knows I'm not going to get any sleep anyway," Jane said to herself as she sat up, momentarily startled as the canopy edge hit her forehead. "Fuckin' canopy. I hate this stupid thing."

She went into the hallway, the light on in the kitchen drawing her attention. She found her mother sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, looking into the pre-dawn light of the backyard. She approached quietly, gently laying her hand on Angela's shoulder.

"Are you ok, Ma?" she asked, leaning down to kiss her head.

Angela sighed and placed her hand over Jane's, pulling it closer for a gentle kiss before giving her hand a tender squeeze.

"Sit down, honey, I'll get you some coffee," Angela said, starting to get up, but Jane firmly held her in place in the chair.

"Ma, please. Sit. I can get it. You just relax, okay?"

Jane milled about the kitchen, getting her coffee and took a seat to her mother's left side at the square table so as not to block her view of the backyard, where Jane had found her staring so intently.

"I can't believe he's gone, Janie."

Jane felt the tears brim her eyes. "I can't either, Ma. I'm so sorry. I did everything I could think to do, Ma - I did. I just ... God, I felt so helpless." The tears were falling down her face and she wasn't even trying to stop them.

Angela took Jane's hand. "So you thought shooting yourself would help?" Jane was about to turn defensive when she realized her mother's tone was one of just trying to understand everything that had happened.

Jane ran her right hand over her face, her mother still tightly clutching her left. "I did it because Marino said Frankie was probably already dead. I didn't want there to be any more wasted time. All the options down in the autopsy room had been exhausted. I didn't know what else to do. Maura had done everything she could do."

As the words left Jane's lips, her brain caught up with them. "Oh God. Maura."

Angela was confused. "What? What about Maura?"

"I'm just so mad at her Ma, I can't, I can't even speak to her, hell, I can barely look at her."

"Why are you mad at her? You just said she had done everything she could do."

"I know, but I needed her to just do one thing, Ma, and she couldn't do it. I've done so much for her and when I need one thing, ONE THING, she can't be there for me."

Jane was now completely in tears. Angela took her in her arms, gently rocking her back and forth.

"Janie, Maura didn't pull the trigger to kill Frankie."

"She didn't save him, either," Jane muttered.

Angela realized there was going to be no getting through to Jane on this one right now - it would take time. She gently rubbed her back and met Frank's eyes as he quietly appeared in the kitchen doorway. He approached both of them and wrapped his arms around them, kissing the tops of both of their heads.

"Pop, here, sit, let me get you some coffee," Jane said, easing herself from her mother's embrace and wiping her eyes.

"Honey, you don't have to."

"I want to. Come on."

Jane got him a cup of coffee and took hers out of the room to give her parents some privacy. As much as she was hurting today, she knew they were being ripped apart from the inside out. She walked up the hallway and stopped at Frankie's room. Quietly, she entered the room and sat on the bed. He had lived here until a year ago, when at thirty years old he had finally moved out. She razzed him pretty hard - all in good fun - about staying at home and being a mama's boy.

Most of his boyhood stuff was still in the room but Jane noticed a new photo that had someone made its way in here, no doubt strategically placed by her mother not long after he moved out. She picked up the photo and tenderly stroked Frankie's visage smiling back at her, a teardrop falling onto the glass. She and Frankie were standing next to one another both decked out in their formal police uniforms on the same day, each for a different reason - Frankie wore his for his graduation from the academy, Jane wore hers to accept her gold detective shield.

And today, she would wear hers again - to honor her brother.


	6. Chapter 6

I Tried - Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you all for the reviews - I really appreciate them and they keep me going. Hope you guys like it - please continue to read and review.

_"Frankie! You're here! You're back," Jane said, reaching for her brother._

_He leaned down to kiss her. "Hey Janie, you know I'll never be far away. I love that picture," he said, motioning with his chin to the photo Jane hadn't realized she was clutching to her chest. _

_"Me too. It's one of my favorite photos of the two of us," she said, hugging him tightly. She was thrilled to feel him embrace her in return. _

_"Janie, you're a mess. I know you haven't slept. You need to take care of yourself."_

_"Frankie, I don't care about myself. I don't really care what happens to me."_

_"That was clearly evident with your bone-headed move of shooting yourself," he said, nudging her shoulder as he sat down next to her on the bed. _

_"What else was I supposed to do, Frankie. I didn't want to waste any more time. It's my fault you - " she started but he put a finger to her lips to quiet her._

_"It's NOT your fault. None of this is your fault."_

_"It's my fault you became a cop. If you hadn't, you'd still be here, Frankie," she said, her voice cracking and the tears coming again._

_He shook his head. "No, Janie. It's not your fault. None of it. I wanted to be a cop, I knew the risks. You tried your best to help me. You have nothing to feel badly about. You also know that Maura tried her best. I know you know that. You need to stop blaming her."_

_She looked down, almost ashamed. _

_"Yeah, I know what's goin' on. I'll ALWAYS know what's goin' on," he said, smiling._

_"God, I already miss your smile and your laugh. I'll miss you so much, Frankie."_

_"But I'll never be far away from you, I promise. But I won't be here for you to physically rely on - that job falls to your best friend," he said. _

_"I don't have a best friend anymore. I'm sure I've damaged that beyond repair. And even if I didn't, I don't know that I can relate to her like that again."_

_He rolled his eyes and lifted her chin to look into hers. _

_"Maura isn't going anywhere, she's just waiting for you to come to your senses. She did everything you asked of her down in that autopsy room, and then some. She tried her best, which is what I remember you telling her to do. You didn't qualify it with `try your best and if he dies we are no longer friends.'"_

_"Well, of course not, that would just be stu-" she started but cut herself off as she thought of what she was actually saying. "pid. That would be stupid. Oh God, Frankie, she did. She did try her best. I've acted like such an asshole to her."_

_He dramatically wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. "Phew, glad I didn't have to be the one to say it - I'm on the list to get through those gates," he said, smiling and winking at her as he pointed up at the ceiling._

_" I have to go, Janie. Remember, I'll never, ever be far away from you. We can communicate like this - you keep me alive in here," he said, touching her heart and then moving his hand to her head. "And in here. And I promise, I'll always be around. Give Ma and Pop a kiss for me, and Maura too. I love you. I love all of you."_

"Frankie! I love you too. I will miss you. Please, don't go. Please, Frankie, please," Jane said, coming out of sleep. She was clutching the photo to her chest with one arm and reaching out with the other and her parents were standing over her.

"Janie, honey, you fell back asleep in here. Are you alright?" Frank asked, sitting next to her.

"I miss him Pop. And this will sound crazy to you, but I just had quite a dream about him. He told me to tell you both he loves you," she said, standing up and kissing both of them. "That's from Frankie."

Her parents' gaze followed her as she left the room. They exchanged a quick glance and headed out to begin getting ready for the toughest day of their lives.

...

Maura had been to funerals for police officers before and she had seen Jane in her formal blues, however, today, the meaning was so different. People were snaking their way around the parlor, lining up to pay their final respects to Frankie before the quick service prior to the church. She felt the knot in the pit of her stomach as she got up closer to the front. She was next in line and could feel Jane's eyes upon her. Maura averted her gaze and knelt once again besides Frankie's casket.

As she had done the previous day, she gently touched his folded hand. "I'm so sorry, Frankie. Please, go in peace and watch over Jane and your family. They will all need it. I'll miss you," she whispered, moving her hand up to gently and quickly to touch Frankie's cheek.

When she got up from kneeling she saw Jane dabbing at her eyes, watching her. The look in her eyes was a bit softer than it had been in the last week, but it was far from what she was used to from Jane Rizzoli. Jane didn't look away immediately but held her gaze for a minute. Maura held it too and offered Jane a very small smile. Jane nodded almost imperceptibly.

...

The graveside service ended and Maura, Korsak and Frost all went up together to put their roses on Frankie's casket. They walked behind the Rizzoli family, gently touching their shoulders as they went by in single file. Maura could see Jane's shoulders shaking, her ability to keep her sobs bottled in about to come to an end. She couldn't stand seeing Jane in such pain and tears pricked her eyes once again as she followed Korsak and Frost back toward the cars.

"Doc, are you going to The Dirty Robber to join the family?" Korsak asked, loosening his tie.

Maura thought for a minute. She really wanted to, but she didn't want to intrude, especially knowing how Jane felt toward her right now. As if sensing her hesitancy, Frost took her hand. "Jane really would want you there, whether she actually realizes it right now or not."

She knew he was right. "Okay. Yes. I'll go."


	7. Chapter 7

I Tried - Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you to those who have reviewed ... didn't get too many on the last chapter so I'm hoping this chapter will draw some! Hope you guys like it, PLEASE REVIEW! Thank you! - rutgers

The Dirty Robber, closed to the public for the day, was wall-to-wall blue uniforms with a few black suits in the mix. Maura, Korsak and Frost managed to nab a table toward the back.

"I think Jane really did well today. The eulogy she gave for Frankie, well, there wasn't a dry eye in the place - certainly not on my face," Korsak said, loosening his tie.

"I know. She was so brave today. I'm worried about how she'll be after all this is done," Maura said, sipping her glass of cabernet.

Frost sighed. "I know. Me too. She shouldn't be back at work for at least another few weeks, with both her bereavement and medical leave."

Maura spotted Jane walking around, beer in hand, hat off and hair down. She was hugging everyone she came in contact with, offering up small smiles as someone inevitably shared a memory of Frankie with her. She'd politely listen and after a few more minutes, excuse herself.

...

Jane was pretty sure she and her parents spoke to everyone in The Dirty Robber and the place finally started to clear out after three hours. She was fully aware of one group she hadn't spoken to yet, however.

"Janie, are you coming home with us tonight?" her father asked, putting his arm around her and pulling her close.

"No, Pop. I really want to just go home. I need to heal, physically and emotionally. If you need me though, you call and I'll be right there. Okay?"

"Yes, and the same goes for you, Baby. Okay?"

"Okay, I promise."

"Janie, your dream this morning - " he started.

She smiled. "Yeah, it was a good one. Frankie was so clear to me, he spoke to me, Pop. It was amazing."

He kissed her forehead. "I'm glad, Sweetie. If you have one of those dreams again, you tell him we miss him and will always love him."

She smiled and nodded, tears coming to her eyes again.

"Honey, your mom and I already greeted your friends in the back there, but you probably should go over and say hello," Frank said, motioning with his chin to her three colleagues in the back of the bar.

Jane sighed audibly. "Yes, I know. I'm getting there."

"Okay. Come first and say goodbye to your mother. I need to get her home. I'm incredibly proud of the way you've handled everything, Jane, you're a wonderful daughter and an amazing woman," he said.

"Hey, come on, you're embarrassing me," she said, giving him a small smile and wrapping him in a hug.

...

After Jane said goodbye to her parents, she retrieved another beer from the bar and headed back to the table where Frost, Korsak and Maura were sitting.

"Room for one more?" Jane asked, softly.

Frost and Korsak exchanged a glance. "Yeah, of course, let's get a few more drinks. Frost," Korsak said, motioning to the bar. Frost picked up on it right away. "Sure."

Suddenly, Maura was nervous as the two men made their way from the table.

Jane sat down next to her. A tenseness that had never before appeared seemed to settle in between them. Neither woman said anything for the next few minutes.

Korsak peered behind Frost as they waited for their drinks. He was disappointed to see neither one of them saying anything.

"Thank you for coming yesterday and today, and for the flowers," Jane murmured, looking at her beer.

"Of course," Maura said.

Korsak and Frost saw the two women conversing and Korsak let out a pent-up sigh as he and Frost exchanged relieved glances.

Jane looked everywhere, except at Maura. She cleared her throat. Maura could tell Jane was nervous, probably just as much so as she found herself at that very moment.

"I'm finally going back to my own place tonight," Jane said.

"That's good. I hope you'll be able to get some rest. It seems like you are able to move around freely and can take care of yourself," Maura said, in what Jane had often playfully described as her `doctor tone'.

Jane still couldn't bring herself to look at her. Maura had to strain to understand her words when she softly spoke, while picking at a hang nail on her thumb. "Can you come over later?"

"Is that really a good idea today? I mean, you are probably exhausted and need to get some rest. Maybe tomorrow would be better?"

"Tonight, please. It's important, okay?" Jane said, finally bringing her dark eyes up to meet with Maura's hazel gaze.

She searched her face for a minute before relenting. "Okay. I'll be there."


	8. Chapter 8

I Tried - Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you to those who have reviewed! Hope you guys like it, PLEASE REVIEW! Thank you! - rutgers

Korsak and Frost made their way back to the table from the bar, carrying four fresh drinks.

"Jane, your eulogy today was just beautiful," Korsak said, leaning down to hug her and kiss her cheek.

"Thanks. It was tough and I don't know how I got through it. I just wanted to thank you guys for coming yesterday and today. Thanks for being there," Jane said, lifting her beer to them.

"Wait, Jane," Frost said, raising his glass and eyeing Korsak and Maura to follow suit. "To Frankie."

"To Frankie," Jane whispered, a small smile on her lips as the four of them clicked glasses.

...

Maura was off the rest of the week, so she told Jane she would come over later, more toward nine o'clock, to give her some time to rest. They still hadn't spoken too much, but were much more companionable at The Dirty Robber. She did not stand up to embrace Jane, however, when she announced she was leaving. It wasn't that she didn't want to, she just didn't think Jane was ready for that yet, from her. And Jane certainly hadn't pushed the issue. If she was to be completely honest, she wasn't quite sure why Jane wanted her to come over tonight.

...

Jane set her alarm so she could take a few hours nap and get a shower before Maura came over. She lied in bed, looking up at her ceiling, trying to think about what she was going to say. Her exhaustion finally overtook her and she fell into a slumber.

...

Maura hesitantly tapped on Jane's door. She didn't hear any stirring or movement so she knocked again, this time a little louder. Finally, she heard the locks on the door being disengaged.

"Hi," Jane said softly, stepping aside so Maura could come in. "Thank you for coming here tonight."

"You're welcome Jane."

Jane shut the door and leaned back against it for a minute, clutching at her right side.

"Are you alright?" Maura asked, her concern evident.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay, it just hurts sometimes," she said, giving her a quick smile. "Here, come on, sit down. Can I get you anything to drink?"

Maura sighed and looked down. Things had become so formal between them, in the span of a week and three days - and she hated it. She wanted her best friend back. Maybe after this evening, she'd have a clearer idea about if that was going to actually happen.

"No, I'm okay. And really, Jane, if I want something, I'll get it," she said, her voice cool.

"Yeah, okay," Jane said, taking a seat on the couch. Maura joined her, keeping her distance.

Neither one of them said anything for a few minutes. Finally, Jane found her voice.

"I know you did everything you could do," she said, softly, angling her body on the couch to face Maura, the way they always did when they were having what Maura called their "girl chats". "I blamed you, Maura, and that wasn't right or fair. I've been projecting my guilt onto you. I blame myself."

Maura turned her body to face Jane. "Oh, Jane. You can't blame yourself - you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't your fault Frankie got shot," she said, her voice warm and soft.

"It is Maura. If he hadn't followed me to being a cop, he would never have even been in that goddamn situation in the first place," she said, her eyes welling with tears.

"Frankie became a cop maybe partly because he wanted to be like you, but also because he wanted to make a difference, Jane. You know that. You could see on his face, every time he sauntered in, how proud he was to wear that uniform."

"Yeah, well, maybe if I wanted to become a chef, he would have been proud to wear that stupid little white hat - " Jane started, flinging her left hand up for emphasis, but Maura cut her off.

"It's a toque."

Maura immediately recognized her social miscue and cringed, closing her eyes for a minute and regretting opening her mouth. When her eyes opened, she saw Jane starting at her incredulously with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Really? You have to go all Talking Google on me right now?"

Maura's eyes immediately watered as she laughed. "I'm sorry."

Jane laughed too and reached out and took Maura's hand in both of hers.

"Look, I wanted you to come here tonight so I could tell you that I'm so sorry, Maura. So sorry. You did every single thing I asked you to do that day and I know - _I know_ - you tried your damndest to save Frankie. I know that. And it means so much to me. My anger, it wasn't at you. It was - is - at myself. I'm sorry for acting like such an asshole."

Tears started to stream down Maura's cheeks.

"Oh, come on, please don't cry on me now," Jane said, pulling her in for a gentle hug. Maura threw her arms around Jane's neck, hugging her in return. Maura could hear Jane sniffing back tears as well.

"Jane, I can't even say I forgive you because I'm not mad at you. Not at all. I understand why you acted the way you did. I know you're so upset and I want to do everything and anything I can to help you. I hope you'll let me be here for you."

"I will, Maura. I need my best friend."

"I was just," Maura said, but stopped.

"What? You were just what?" Jane coaxed, still holding her close.

"I was just afraid I lost my best friend in this entire world."

Jane scoffed at that comment. "No way, Isles. You aren't getting rid of me that easy."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

I Tried - Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles, I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea that just wouldn't go away. Thank you to those who have reviewed! Hope you guys like it, PLEASE REVIEW! Thank you! - rutgers

"I mean literally. I was so scared, Jane. More scared that I've ever been in my entire life," Maura said, still keeping her arms firmly around her friend.

Jane cursed inwardly, knowing that at some point she and Maura would need to address this topic. She didn't think playing dumb would work but was willing to give it a try.

"I couldn't stay mad at you for very long, especially when I know deep in my heart you did everything you could," Jane said.

She felt Maura stiffen and pull back from the embrace.

"That is _not_ what I'm talking about. I mean, yes, I was worried but ... Jane, nothing has ever scared me more than coming out of that building and seeing you taking hold of the gun in Marino's hand and pointing it into your own body," Maura said. "That was fucking insane."

Jane was stunned for a second, she could probably count on one hand how many times she'd ever heard Maura drop the F bomb. Wait - make that one finger.

"I know. _I _was insane at that moment. I was trying to get Korsak, Frost and the others to shoot Marino to end it. I was screaming that they needed to shoot him so we could get Frankie out and Marino said it was too late, he was probably already dead," Jane said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "All I could think about was our guys being able to get in there to get to Frankie to save him. I knew you were safe because Marino had me. And you know what I would do for people I love and care about. I had to act quickly. When he said that, Maura, I lost my mind."

"You could have killed yourself."

"I know."

"I wouldn't have been able to handle that, Jane."

"I'm sorry."

They held one another's gaze for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I wasn't able to save him, Jane. I will miss him so much. My heart is broken, for Frankie, for you, for your family. I tried. God knows, I've never tried anything harder in my life."

Again, they met in an embrace. "I know you did. I know. And he's okay, now."

Maura pulled back with a quizzical expression on her face. She could tell Jane meant it when she said that he was okay now. Jane saw the look Maura was giving her and weighed for a minute if she should share her dreams about Frankie - would the M.E.'s scientific background make her think Jane was completely nuts? She decided to trust in her friendship, as she's done ever since she met Maura.

"I had two very, very vivid dreams about Frankie, Maura. Much like the one I had the night I had to call you over about that kid who was poisoned with the monkshood. Frankie and I talked and I got to hug him. To be honest, he made me see the light about how big a jerk I was being. Please don't think I'm crazy."

"Oh, Jane. I don't think you're crazy. I didn't believe in it so much until you had that dream, but I'm a believer. And I'm grateful Frankie came to you," Maura said.

Jane was relieved at her reaction. "I also need to thank you, Maura. I know you came to the hospital daily, even when I was being a jerk. I know you rode in the ambulance with me to the hospital, I know - " Maura stopped her.

"Wait, how did you know that?"

"As my head hit the ground, I saw you running out, I knew you would stay with me. Anyway. Just, thank you."

Maura pulled her in carefully for one more hug, kissing her cheek as she got up.

"Where ya goin?"

"I really could use a glass of wine right now. I would get you something alcoholic too I don't think that's a good idea with your medicine."

"I stopped taking meds a few days ago, plus I was drinking today and I'm fine. So, yeah, if you wouldn't mind, please grab me a beer?"

Maura smiled and made her way to Jane's kitchen. It was starting to feel like old times. Her eyes settled on a photo of Frankie on the fridge. "Thank you," she said softly to his smiling face looking back at her from the picture.

...

After putting away a few glasses of wine, Jane could tell Maura was a bit tipsy and suggested she just stay over - and Maura couldn't have been happier. To her, it was a true sign things were surely going to be okay between them. She awoke in the middle of the night to a chill. She tugged the blankets up to her chin. She felt Jane shift and could hear her talking.

_"Thanks for today, Janie. Your speech was beautiful."_

_Jane smiled as her handsome brother strode closer to her. _

_"Hey, Frankie. I hoped that you thought it did you justice. It really was from the bottom of my heart. I love you so much and I do miss you. I'll miss you every single day."_

_"I know you will but you remember what I told you."_

_"I know, you'll never be far away."_

_"Right. I have some things to take care of so you may not see me for just a little while, but I'm watching and you'll know I'm there. I couldn't start out on my journey until I knew that you were going to be okay. And now that you have your best friend back, I think you will be. I'm proud of you ... that was a very nice apology."_

_Jane looked over at Maura's sleeping figure. "Yeah, I'm just sorry I had to make it at all. I'm very lucky she's forgiven me. I have you to thank for pointing out how much of a jerk I was being."_

Okay, Maura couldn't believe Jane would be talking on her cell right now. She turned to look at Jane and was surprised to see the detective fast asleep, but carrying on a conversation. She quietly observed.

"_I told you she wasn't going anywhere, Janie. Oh, someone is up and I need to get going. I love you, with all my heart, I love you. Thank you for being the best sister ever."_

Maura saw tears start to fall from Jane's eyes, yet a smile crossed her lips.

_"Frankie, I really wish you didn't have to go. I love you too. You're the best brother ever. I love you," Jane said, reaching out to him. He embraced her tightly one more time and kissed her cheek before turning to start out on his journey. _

_"I'll see you soon."_

Maura noticed the chill in the room had eased. Her eyes watered as she watched Jane put her arms down back at her sides, still locked in a sound slumber - but the smile was still on her face.

"Goodnight my sweet friend," Maura said, gently touching Jane's shoulder before she turned to the opposite side.

And she closed her eyes with a small smile, knowing that everything would be alright. Jane was still her best friend in this world - and always would be.

The End.

So there you have it guys - that's it - for this part. I have a few ideas for a continuation of this fanfic because Jane will still be dealing with some issues. The loss of a loved one is the hardest thing we as humans go through, I think, and things just don't go back to smooth and normal in a week and three days time. So, hopefully soon, I'll have another fanfic posted. I hope you've enjoyed this one and thank you all for reading and reviewing! - rutgers


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